No Pressure!

[Sweetpea]

Dear IDM
I am the mum of an 11-year old dancer and a (social!) dancer myself. We love going to feisanna to be with friends, admire lovely costumes and have fun. But I sometimes see something that makes me very sad: Tears from young dancers whose mothers put pressure on them. Losing is hard enough without your parents criticising your dancing or showing their own disappointment. I think it would be better to give your child a hug and say something like "You must feel so frustrated, especially after you've worked so hard. I'm sure your next dance will go better!" I also don't think it's good to promise a huge present for winning - that makes losing even more terrible. Parents who speak badly of other competitors as "the enemy" are not raising sportsmanlike little dancers. Is it not better to teach our children to congratulate their fellow competitors (not just the winners, but everyone who tried hard!)?

A child should not go home from a feis feeling that they have failed, but rather that they have had enormous fun with friends who share their passion. Surely that's what Irish Dancing is all about?

Thanks for a great mag and an awesome website - I have made so many new friends from all over the world!

Regards
Sweetpea

[mini2z]

Hi Sweetpea - I fully understand what you're saying & wish that everyone could experience the "good" feis experience. Place or no place as long as you worked hard and did your best you've had a good day! Love mini

[Irish_sunshine]

I agree. Although winning is nice, that's not what Irish dance should be about. Some people take Irish dance to the extreme. Their whole life is competition. I dance for fun, exercise and just the thrill of knowing that my ancestors once danced just like I am! that's what brings me happiness with my dancing. But sadly, some people just don't know how to enjoy it. They take all the fun out of dancing and critisize people who don't get a move exactly right and all of this other stuff.. Dancing is a HOBBY, not a LIFE! I just wish other people could see that

[dancer412]

That's SO true!!!

[Ailís]

What a great letter Sweetpea!!

I'm really hoping my daughter and I have the "good" experience that you described. Our first Feis will be in August. And we are both really looking forward to everything! (Ok, I am a bit nervous. Well, pretty scared...but still excited!!)

It's so hard to see children hurting for any reason. But it just blows my mind that some parents can't see that they are hurting their own children.

I hope those children can get the help they need and the love they deserve, without any strings.

[aligetreel]

I put a ton of pressure on myself..

I don't know how I'd feel if I had my parents forcing me to do better and better plus myself! Thankfully my parents are always supportive and my dad has a great thing he tells me every feis. "Just have Fun"

If I do just have fun, then places doesn't really matter and then I find myself placing better as well.

Motivation from the dancer is good. Too much pressure from the parents is just bad and defeats the point of competing.

It's just all sort of sad.

[Shamrocksthename]

I put way too much pressure on myself....
I always expect so much out of myself and the more I focus on my preformance the worse I do...lol.
Anyways to get over that pressure I just focus on talking to my friends and having a good time no matter what, and I always remember that 1 crummy feis doesn't make you a bad dancer it just means you had a bad day......

I haven't had any experience with pushy parents except when I dont practice enough, my school has a individual practice requirement of 14 hours before going to a feis. And when I say individual practice I mean outside of the 8 hours I do in class every week.......

[Bridgey pie]

wow lol well its good to put a bit of pressure on yourself to succeed but if parents do you'll be worse try and relax and enjoy wi=hat you doing then you should get somewhere

Bridgey Pie

[LauraReelyLikes2Dance]

That is so true.
I only started dancing because my younger sister's best friend did it at a talent show and I fell in love with it.
I'd been dancing for 2 years before I even noticed the cometitive part of it!

[Cutechix]

Originally Posted by Sweetpea

Dear IDM
I am the mum of an 11-year old dancer and a (social!) dancer myself. We love going to feisanna to be with friends, admire lovely costumes and have fun. But I sometimes see something that makes me very sad: Tears from young dancers whose mothers put pressure on them. Losing is hard enough without your parents criticising your dancing or showing their own disappointment. I think it would be better to give your child a hug and say something like "You must feel so frustrated, especially after you've worked so hard. I'm sure your next dance will go better!" I also don't think it's good to promise a huge present for winning - that makes losing even more terrible. Parents who speak badly of other competitors as "the enemy" are not raising sportsmanlike little dancers. Is it not better to teach our children to congratulate their fellow competitors (not just the winners, but everyone who tried hard!)?

A child should not go home from a feis feeling that they have failed, but rather that they have had enormous fun with friends who share their passion. Surely that's what Irish Dancing is all about?

Thanks for a great mag and an awesome website - I have made so many new friends from all over the world!

Regards
Sweetpea

That's soo true Sweetpea!!! BTW, when did you become a moderator?